In our PEERS groups we have a variety of teens and young adults that struggle socially in different ways. Each participant has their own way of thinking. The two common denominators of each of their experiences is that they have found challenges making and keeping friends and that they all have a parent or coach that learn and support them on a weekly basis throughout the duration of the program. Each week we challenge participants to follow through with the homework with the goal of exposing the teens and young adults to use the skills in real-time situations, in addition to, the behavioral rehearsals in each of our groups. A critical aspect of ensuring the curriculum results in successful outcomes is understanding the difference between the parts of the program versus the whole.
The critical parts of the program include the use of “buzz words” and supporting parents to engage their child. The participants benefit from this because of the ability to share and reference the skills for any particular social situation. Over the years in my practice I have seen parents struggle to guide their children socially for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they don’t know what to say. Other times they are afraid to say something with the worry it could trigger their child. And yet other times they may just give the wrong advice with the best intentions. There is a simplicity of curriculum complimented by a structured vocabulary that highlight ecologically valid skills of the program.
The other critical part of supporting the parent to engage their child is important to reinforce their child’s engagement with the application of a skill or collection of skills. This often takes troubleshooting during the parent group and side meetings before and after group to address roadblocks in the process. The program utilizes social coaches to help facilitate the collaboration between the parents and participants. Without this assertive and integral part of the training it might be more conducive for families to fall into complacency or an avoidant pattern. This can sometimes present like the parent and/or child becoming negative about the process and curriculum. Addressing this challenge with participants and their parents can be necessary in order to understand the “whole” of the program. Without this piece, families can lose sight of the overall goal. This misunderstanding can lend itself to missed opportunities for the participant to make some significant social progress.
The “whole” is the collective experiential process of a 16 week program. It operates as a social thinking vehicle that repeatedly reviews the core skills. Sometimes we have members that can test generally well on paper related to their social knowledge but are in the program because they struggled to integrate socially in their communities. Some of these teens or young adults are intellectually advanced and may be put off or annoyed at the repetition of the curriculum. However, we have seen that these members that stay engaged throughout with their coaches make huge progress by the end of the program. The focus during the stretch of time in the program has a way of generating energy and momentum which often compliments their knowledge. Those whose knowledge was lacking at the beginning of the program fill that gap by increasing their confidence and energy around making new friends.
In almost every group we have a parent and/or child who struggles with the parts and loses sight of the whole, however, the commitment to seeing through the program each week to its end and utilizing the parts that are most relevant for each family are what creates better outcomes. Thus it’s important to note that each family needs to focus on themselves and how best to apply these skills at their schools and communities. The group itself is only a platform of learning and support to propel each family into a more fluid social life back into their normal social milieus. Again, the program is not a friend making group but a friend making vehicle to expand outside the group itself.
I happened to run into parent the other day who had a teen graduate from one of our PEERS classes. I asked how he was doing and she answered “better”(socially and emotionally) and that he has established a solid group of friends. I want to emphasize that this family was very committed throughout the program yet the teen, at times, could be very resistant due to some of reasons described above. They pushed through with heart and now he is functioning much better. Before we parted, I asked if they were still active in using the curriculum and she reminded me how resistant their son could be but often wonders how the program still resonates with him in light of his recent social prosperity.
With mine and my wife’s (she leads many of the parent groups) clinical background and our own experience with a family member who is a socially vulnerable teen, we understand how damaging many of our participants social experiences have been. In fact, science can prove that for many young people this takes the shape of traumatic stress. The PEERS® Program combats socially adverse experiences by building these competencies. With the loving support of each coach we aspire to help create the right dose of intervention and exposure leading a participant not only to the development and expansion of friendship but also healing by putting the parts all together to get the whole.